Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Day 13- Love fights fair

If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.
—Mark 3:25

Fighting fair is the main emphasis of today’s lesson. A lot of the marriage teaching I do focuses on communication. The Bible has a lot to say about how we communicate. While it doesn’t place a lot of restrictions on what we say in the context of sharing feelings and pains, it does restrict us in regard to “how” we talk to each other. The devotion challenges us to talk to our spouses about rules of engagement. I chose to not bring this up with B. Again because he didn't know I was doing this, and I was afraid it would bring up needless tension in his eyes...even though it was for a better cause. I adopted all of these. And, as much as I hate to admit this...I have done most of these (the bad ones) at least once.

Here were some suggestions . . .

We will never mention divorce
We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past
We will never fight in public or in front of our children
We will call a “time out” if conflicts escalates to a damaging level
We will never touch each other in a harmful way
We will never go to bed angry with one another
Failure is not an option. Whatever it takes, we will work this out


Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next conflict arises.


Mary Beth said...

This is very, very hard. I've tried it.

The "d-word?" My spouse occasionally uses it jokingly. Or he used to. I throw a fit. I cannot bear it.

Oh, we were in counseling at one point and it was out there. But joking about it? not funn7y.

So one of MY, now OUR rules is, no saying that in jest!!!!

R. Hansen said...

That's a good rule Mary Beth.

I always try to remember the scripture: "Let your conversations be Yea yea and Nay nay." for more than that is really unnecessary.